Saturday - THE DAY HAS ARRIVED!!!!!!!!!!
So after seeing these two from their beginnings as a couple freshman year of college, to them becoming more serious, realizing they will probably get married, and then finally the engagment....here we are. Tim and Kellie gon' get hitched!
As much fun as I had the night before I was in no way prepared for the ridiculous amount of fun I was to have on this day when two of my best friends have decided to spend the rest of their lives together.
Here is how the day went down:
10:30 - We all get up to make sure we have enough time to recover from the previous nights shenanigans, and then get ready for the epic shenanigans that will take place in just a few short hours. Tim and Kellie Hasken - ETA - 4 hours
We were instructed by the groom that we needed to be at the Church at 12:45 to make sure everything is ready to go for the wedding at 2:00, following which we will take a cruise around my absolutel favorite city in the world to take pictures at the many picturesque places around the city, including my favorite, the arch.
My friends gf was gracious enough to buy all of us coffee to make sure we were able to wake up and sober enough to get ready on time and make to the Church. After everyone gets showered up and ready to go, the best man head to the Church, our friends house is only 15 minutes away so we make it exactly as instructed....
12:45 - There is a huge crowd outside the Church, are we late? Is my watch wrong? Did we screw this whole thing up? With a glance the best man and I park the car and bolt for the doors as we are ready to run down the aisle Dustin Hoffman style to ensure the wedding would not start without us.
It only took a couple of seconds for us to realize we did not recognize anybody in the crowd which led us to realize this was another wedding. A collective *Phew* between the best man and I ensued, which then led to...wait a tic, why did the groom tell us to be here at 12:45 if we are the only ones here? Hmmm...what to do...wait is that....YES, Milo's Bocce garden was open for business. No words had to be spoken as we both made our way to the bar to start the day off right with a drink....its 5 o'clock somwhere righ-ah who cares, Tim and Kellie are getting married, we dont need an excuse to have a beer at 12:45
The best man and I make our way to Milo's and have ourselves a beer (drink count: 1), it goes down smooth and we know...this will be a good day.
1:17 - The best man and I have finished our drinks and head over to the Church. Still no sign of the Groom, but we call and are assured he is on his way. Apparently the previous wedding has free reign on the Church until 1:30....Apparently Churches can have more than one wedding in a day...who knew?1:21 - The groom arrives with the rest of the groomsmen in tow....we are ready to get this started.
The guests start to arrive and the nerves start to show up as the time is growing nearer and nearer. After calming the groom down by assuring him that this will go off without a hitch, the bride and bridal party arrive. As the groom cannot see her we partition the vestibule and stow the bridal party in there (unfortunately the "you can't see me"* taunt does not actually prevent people from seeing you so that would not be appropriate here).
* The "you can't see me taunt" is a favorite of the groom in which you repeatedly wave your flattened hand back in forth in front of your face, so nobody can effectively "see you"
2:00 - WEDDING TIME!!!!!!!!!!!! The groom walks down the aisle and assumes his position as he waits for his bride to take her place at his side. Once the groom leaves we get the distince pleasure of seeing the bride as the partition is removed. After being flabbergasted by how stunning she looks, I realize that since she is one of my good friends I should probably say something, to which I say..."you look stunning" and give her a hug. Which is followed shortly by "Let's do this thing"
2:07 - The procession music starts and the wedding party takes their marches down the aisle and assumes their correct positions.
2:15 - Now comes the time, the bridal music plays and the door is opened as the bride is escorted down the aisle by her father. This is typically one of the more emotional parts of the wedding and much emotion was had by all and I couldn't help but have a smile on my face seeing the start of this wedding.
The wedding goes off without a hitch and everything was perfect. Now comes the picture time
2:47 - There were pictures to be done in the wedding before we took our tour of the city for pics, as groomsmen we had the usual responsibility for pictures, but there were many other pictures to be taken before we were to leave. What could we possibly do as we waited for them to finish pictures? Bocce garden? Bocce Garden. At the risk of taking too much time and not wanting to hold up the wedding party, we opted for a shot as opposed to a beer. Straight whiskey? Oh yes, a good day it will be. We take our shot (drink count: 2) and head back to the church
3:07 - More pictures are still being taken, but as our duties and the duties of the brides father are over for pictures he invites back to the bocce garden for another drink. He says he owes us from the previous day. As I have never been one to refuse a drink, let alone one from the brides father on his daughters wedding day, I accept as does the best man. Back for round 3 at the bocce garden. The brides father buys us a drink as we discuss how awesome his daughter is. A glance out the window and we realize it is time to go so we finish our drinks and head back to the Church (drink count: 3).
3:32 - It is time to leave and, as I would expect nothing less, we will be taken around the city in pure style. Nothing less than a stretch escalade limo. The only thing missing were the spinners...but I digress
(<--) How cute do these two look in their stretch limo, huh? Say it with me one...two...three...aww. So the schedule is to go to a park to take pictures on a very picturesque bridge and then head to, the place thats got me really excited, the arch grounds.
3:37 - I think it is illegal in 48 states to ride in a stretch escalade limo and not be copiously drinking champagne, so naturally, as good groomsmen would do the best man and I buy a few bottles of champagne. So once the entire wedding party is in the limo and we hit the road, the best man and I decide to pop the cork and distribute the glasses for the first toast to the new couple. As we have all seen in the movies when people pop the cork of a champagne bottle the cork goes flying as the bottle slightly overflows and everyone has a giggle.
Note to self: does not work like this in real life. After poping the cork and nearly sniping one of the bridesmaids in the face the best man gave me the look and the bridesmaid said "watch out, you could really hurt someone." I smiled at this thinking they were just having fun with it, no, no, somebody really could have gotten hurt so all I received were blank stares as I broke eye contact to pour the champagne into the glasses. Sorry all. The glasses were passed around and we all raised our glass to the happy couple, I faught off a moment of emotional nostalgia as if I was Will Farrell in Old School trying to fight off the elephant tranquilizer that had been implanted in his neck and drink my glass (drink count: 4).
3:49 - Arrive at the park for pictures on the picturesque bridge. Upon leaving the limo the photographers inform us that we should probably take our coats off as there was going to be a decent walk to this bridge and the weather was hot. On our way to the bridge I noticed the perfect place to take a picture. There was a small little bit of water that had four very large rocks protruding from it. I thought it would be a great idea to have the groom stand on the middle rock and the rest of us stood around to take a picture (wow, they really could have just hired me to take all the pictures with ideas like this). The groom was not so hot on the idea but the photographer backed me up and the picture that was taken follows (note: I took the liberty of making it black and white to make it more classy looking, as if it needed that anyway with all of us in the picture).
(<--) Seriously, how cool does this look. The groom will have this memory for years, no need to thank me...its what I do. 4:18 - We reach the bridge. I will admit, it was a very good place to take some pictures and there were some good pictures taken. Pictures were taken of the whole wedding party, some with the wedding party in the background, from near, from far and some of just the newlyweds, one of which follows.
(<--) Say it with me again......one.....two....three... .....awww
4:41 - A few more pictures are taken and it is time to make it to our second location....the arch grounds. Imagine...an entire park dedicated to an upside down version of this...."U"....breathtaking, I know.
4:53 - We arrive at the archgrounds...but not before having another glass of champagne in the limo ride over (drink count: 5). Just a few short pictures at the arch for the wedding party and the photog's and the newlyweds went to take other pictures closer to the arch. So with nothing to do while we waiting for them we decided to see how much champagne was left in the escalade...and were sorely disappointed to find none (drink count: 5 (still)). Thankfully, the couple informed us we would be stopping at a bar before making our way to the reception. Count it!
5:23 - Leave for the bar downtown that is just a short distance away from the reception hall. Upon arrival, first on the agenda was to order a shot, I had been telling the bride for weeks that I was going to buy the entire wedding party a shot and that was my intention. Drink orders also had to be made. We were a little pressed for time as we wanted to make it to the reception at 6:15. We got our shots and drinks and imbibed them expediently (drink count: 7)
5:52 - Time to leave the bar and head for the reception where shenanigans were sure to take place (although, the groom informed us we all had to stay coherent until Lady Gaga played at which point we could go 3 sheets to the wind....I feel like the groom knows us too well that he makes these statements, but its probably a good thing). I sneakily made my way up to the waiter as he was at the bar as I was going to fork over the money to pay for the tab for the whole wedding party before we left. I already took overship of the shots and figured the drinks wouldnt be that big of a deal. Upon conversation with the waiter I find out that our drinks have already been paid for. Who would do such a thing I ask, immediately assuming it would be the best man, trying to one up me as he always does. Then the waiter replies "I think it was....the groom..." You have got to be kidding me, you let the groom pay for everything?!?! I immediately puppy slapped the waiter on the nose and told him he should not have done that.* I went back to chastise the groom for paying when he knows full well that is not how it should have been, but you cant stay too mad at the groom on his wedding day, so I let it go as we piled back into the limo to make our way to the reception.
* No slap was given to the waiter and he did not feel any harm, I did tell him he should not have done it though.
6:20 - Arrive at the reception, complementary glass of champagne? Don't mind if do (drink count: 8). As yes, this will be a good night. Some in the wedding party said they "gotta feelin" this was gonna be a good night. More on that in a minute. Upon arrival we had to talk to the DJ to get everything figured out with the introductions and speeches and what not. Now this DJ went about this in a manner I have never quite seen before. He came up to me to ask for the correct pronunciation of my name with the clipboard squarely in front of his face as he was using it for a prop in the "you can't see me" taunt. Is this guy for real? I can't hardly understand him, does he really think it is socially acceptable to talk to someone behind a clipboard placed squarely in front of his face, the whole thing just threw me off. Then when he finally took the clipboard away I noticed the ridiculous thick coke bottle glasses he was wearing. I am sure he had to make sure he didnt stand facing the sun or his retinas would get burnt like a poor ant that was the victim of a kid with his first magnifying glass. The best man and I were looking for the best word to describe him "he's so....he's so....McGoo!!" But I digress.
Everything got figured out and we were ready to walk in. We all walked in as, at the request of the bride and groom, "I Gotta Feelin'" by the Black Eyed Peas played. Serioiusly? This is the song? I expressed my displeasure with this song choice but was rightly overruled by the newlyweds. I will get over it.
Once all the wedding party is sat, we immediately get up to get a drink...gin & tonic for me thank you very much (drink count: 9). We made our way around the room to talk to the people we hadn't seen since the ceremony for a bit before the food was served.
7:02 - Food is served. This food was delicious. I get up to get another drink...oh wait, bar is closed during dinner...not for the wedding party! Count it! Gin & Tonic it is (Drink Count: 10). Over dinner the brides dad gets up and makes an excellent speech (this weekend seems to be full of great speeches from parents). Everyone finishes up their meal, the bar opens up again and shenanigans are soon to follow (...come on Lady Gaga).
8:07 - The cake is cut and the customary wedding couple cake cutting ensues. Following the cutting of the cake (which was very nice by the way), the cake table is cleared and the dance floor is open (Lady Gaga is sure to follow soon). Would you like at that, time for another G&T (drink count: 11).
8:23 - Time for the time honored first dance for the new couple. Ray Lamontagne raspily belts outs "You Are the Best Thing" as the two have their dance and everyone cheers. I stiffarm away another nostalgia ridden emotional moment like I'm the Heisman trophy and continue on.
8:30 - This is where the customary dances of the bride with her father and the groom with his mother take place. After these dances are overwith the music starts to pick up a little bit (still no Lady Gaga...just have to hold out for a little bit longer). I do believe it is time for another drink (drink count: 12).
9:17 - Some people have been dancing but mostly everyone is making their way around to converse with everyone they haven't seen in a while, myself included. Now, during one of these conversations the topic of a possible dance off is brought up. For those of you who are unaware I have been known to bust a move from time to time as has my good friend Jeff (coincidence we are both named Jeff? I think not). Throughout our four years in college everyone knew we were good but we never scared off in a (friendly) battle to really show off our skills. Once this idea was optioned we thought it would be cool to have the dance off be to "Beat It" by Michael Jackson, of course. Once this was decided, the dance off took on a life of its own. Even if I wanted to, I could not stop this hurricane of dance moves that was soon to take place. No, Jeff and Jeff's skills would be on display this wedding for all to see. Time to get another drink (drink count: 13)
9:42 - The dance-off anticipation continues to build as everytime my friend passes me by he exclaims "JEFF VS. JEFF!!!! JEFF VS. JEFF!!!! JEFF VS. JEFF!!!" oh yes, this shall be epic.
So at some point, Lady Gaga played and I missed...not important, the jacket is off and the sleves are rolled up, its time to go to work...and get another drink (drink count: 14)
9:47 - The request for "Beat It" is made and the dance-off is set in motion. Better hurry up and finish this so I can get another drink and make sure my skills are at their best (drink count: 15)
10:19 - So at this point there is a decent amount of peopl on the dance floor as everyone is starting to loosen up and the reception will end shortly (11:00 to be exact). Then...what is that...it is the beginning to "Beat It." As I said, this dance off had taken a life of its own so immediately everyone at the wedding knew to make a circle around the dance floor as Jeff I prepared for battles as the gladiators had before us.
My friend Jeff started the dance-off and threw down some pretty sweet moves. At this point as far as Jeff and Jeff were concerned there could have been nobody else on the dance floor as we were completely focused on the dance off. It's as if we were Gary Kasporov in intense concentration as we tried to prove we were better than a computer at chess by throwing out unorthodox moves. Rook 5 to king 7 - leg kick shoulder pop. Knight 3 to Rook 5 - pop and lock face shift. I'm telling you this was epic.
Next it was my turn. I came out ready to give it my all and that is exactly what I did. I threw out the sickest moves I knew how and the crowd was loving the whole thing. This went on for the majority of the song, switching back and forth. Jeff....vs.....Jeff....vs....Jeff....vs.....Jeff.....epicness. Finally, the two of us took the floor for the grand finale as everyone cheered! If I have ever imagined a dance off that would totally be epic it would look exactly as this one did that night. It was like we were gladiators in our dance cirlce gladiatorial arena and the groom was Emperor Commodus to decide our fate....
10:37 - Following the epic dance off the party really got going as every single person at the reception was on the dance floor
10:42 - After the next round of Lady Gaga is over we have a special request from the bride...the ever popular "Shout." This song truly got every single person out on the dance floor and having a great time, as it should. The entire wedding was on the ground and back again making it "a little bit louder now." Videographic proof can be found here:
http://www.facebook.com/video/?of=36100591#/video/video.php?v=573063783782&subj=36100591
11:00 - And with the ending of shout came the ending of the reception. An epic reception indeed...now we move to the bars!
11:12 - We load up all the gifts from the reception on a cart and wheel them downstairs as we wait for the Groom's father to bring the van around so the gifts can be brought back to the hotel. This gives us time for two things. The most important would be the time for the groomsman and bride to jam out to "Party in the USA" by Miley Cyrus. Only at an event such as this would it be acceptable to see 6 adults dancing on the sidewalk in black-tie attire to a Miley Cyrus song being blared from an iPhone (although Miley can't be blamed...she's just being Miley). The second thing this gives us a chance to do is sober up a little bit so we can be in for the long haul and some shenanigans as the night continues on.
11:42 - We make our way to the bar where the rest of our friends are waiting including the newlyweds. After sobering up for a little bit we had some catching up to do so naturally we had to take a shot (drink count: 16) and order a drink as well (drink count: 17). Right after that another one of my friends offered to buy me a shot, and as you can get shot in some countries for denying such a request, I accepted (drink count: 18). Now, as one good turn deserves another, the original crew that got a shot as we walked in had another one (drink count: 19). I think we are caught up now.
The rest of the night at the bar consisted of a large group of old friends hanging out talking and reminiscing so I will just hit a few highlights.
12:42 - Slappa da bass, mon! Slappa da bass!!!
1:17 - Alright, stay with me on this....two dragons.
1:42 - The bride and groom have finally decided to leave the party so we get together some money for them to get a cab back to the hotel. Before they left everyone obviously had to say their goodbyes which we all did. There was something I had to do before they left though...
As Marten Luther King, Jr. had his dream, I had a vision on this night and I prefaced as much to the bride. "Alright, I have a vision, stay with me on this, the best man and I taking a picture each of us kissing a cheek." After living with the bride during grad school the three of us developed a brother-sister type relationship and this picture would encompass as much perfectly. The bride loved the idea as did the best man and the picture that ensued follows...
(<--) Seriously, a great picture. No more needs to be said.
The bride and groom were on their way and the rest of us stayed to have a few more drinks before making our way back to the hotel. Time for another drink (drink count: 20)
2:42 - Bar closing time. Our very large crew decides to make our way back to the hotel, where the shenanigans will continue. 3:06 - Make our way back to the hotel, it probably should not have taken this much time but in the "state" we were in, it seemed about right. 3:11 - Make our way back up to the room, where many shenanigans took place that would take too much space to describe here. So again, I will throw out some highlights: "Party in the USA," stay with me on this...two dragons, EMO, "Call on meeeeee!!!!!," pizza at 4 a.m. that was promptly completely devoured by 4:01. As I was feeling pretty good, during the hotel shenanigans I only had one drink to end the night (drink count: 21). And with that this epic day was finished and it was time to pass out. If you are curious what someone would look like after having such an epic day to culminate such a ridiculous fun weekend a visual aid follows...
(<--) A good day's work.
4:23 - Head to bed.
The next day was filled with the gift opening brunch and the drive back to KC and back to reality, which is not nearly as fun as Tim and Kellie wedding weekend. Thank you to all who made this one of the greatest weekends of my life and allowed me to have the ridiculous amount of fun that I did.
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