In the words of the great Bill Simmons "you have your close friends who go way back, and then everyone else." Along with that, every once in a while one of those friends will get married and it will be a special event that will bring everyone together for the first time in a while to flashback to when you were all together in college. And every once in a greater while one of your best friends will get married to your de-facto sister and the wedding will reach epic proportions the likes of which the average lay person could only imagine.
What follows is the run down of my trip to St. Louis and the ensuing wedding that literally scarred me for life as I will never be able to have as much fun again (with the possible exception of future weddings and at some point, my own).
Thursday 2:36 - Arrive in St. Louis.
Thursday 2:37 - Reminded of my immense hatred for the upside down "U" everyone refers to as the arch, which is relevant if for not other reason than people say it is relevant. However, these ill feelings are tempered by the anticipation of getting to see the friends I have not seen in such a long time and relive the old days if only for a weekend.
2:53 - Arrive at my friends house who graciously allowed me and two others to stay there for two nights to save us the trouble of paying for a hotel room for the entire weekend.
After the obligatory man-hug greeting we began to catch up and talk about what has been going on in our lives as of late. After a short while I remembered I had not eaten and needed to get something. This brought to my realization that it is not quite a trip to STL unless a visit to White Castle is made, so I promptly got back into my car to make the trek for glorious-ness.
When I got to White Castle, little did I realize that I was in for a treat and it was not a slider. No, no, when I pulled in to go through the drive through lane a little girl was in the middle of the lane and walking towards my car. Naturally, I stopped so she could get out of the way, at which point, she also stopped and stared at me. I gave her an inquisitive look which in my head asked her "Didn't your mom teach you not to walk into oncoming traffic?" but she must have read my look as something else altogether for I was fully expecting spiny frills to extend from her neck as she spit poisonous liquid at my car turning me into the skinny version of Dennis Nedry. Thankfully for me, my windows were rolled up and I didnt have to endure such things are have to hear what obscenity she screamed at me as I slowly drove past.
Following this incident I sat in the line waiting to give my order for at the very least 10 full minutes. Upon reflection though, I would expect nothing less as I would not want White Castle to sacrifice any quality by rushing through this process. I will wait for my sliders and I shall enjoy them ever moreso. Long story short, I obtained the sliders, had one on the way back to my friends house and ate the rest there, putting me into a short food coma for about two hours after my friend left for work.
6:45 - Time to shower and get ready to pick my friend up from the airport who is flying in all the way from Seattle to be in town for this wedding. If you didnt believe me before, this explains the epicness, a friend who would take two days off work and fly all the way from the Pac NW just to be there. And she wasnt even the only one!!!!!
7:01 - As I have decided to spare you the details of my shower I will skip to my drive to the airport. Thanks to my iPhone the drive there went off without a hitch. However, what the iPhone does not tell you is that St. Louis has decided to have to most confusing airport in the entire world with only two terminals, one of which is titled "Baggage Claim/Pick-Up Area." Needless to say I was there in plenty of time to pick up my friend for her flight at 8:10, however, barely made it there as I was not able to find the gate until a few minutes before she called.
8:17 - Back in the car with my friend in tow. This is where I called the soon-to-be newlyweds as we were to meet up soon at a nearby Houlihan's. This got me extremely excited as I had received a text message earlier in the week about how we "have to go out on Thursday." Needless to say I figured some craziness was in store.
8:39 - The next event was something that I am convinced would only happen when the planets are aligned and everything goes as perfectly as it did the weekend of this wedding. The groom gave me directions to the restaurant by saying "take 170, then I-70 for a while" and then spouting off about 16 different turns that I am pretty sure ended in nautical shell pattern that would lead me right back to the airport...and that is a place I do not want to go to again.
This is where I said, "once I have been on I-70 'for a while' I will call back and get better directions." This was as I was fully expecting the couple to beat me there. However, when I called back to get more specific directions, the groom asked where I was and he said he was just a few exits behind me. This is when I kicked the cruise control on to 45 and got in the far right lane as the couple caught up to me. Rarely have I been in a circumstance where this would happen, two cars leave opposite locations at different times and almost run in to each other on the highway in a top 30 major city in America. It was as if the groom and I were two fighter pilots trying to find each other so we could attack the shenanigans together by way of Houlihan's bar & grill...I knew at that point, oh yes, it was going to be a good weekend.
9:12 - We arrived at the restaurant which I was convinced was just going to be the starting point for the shenanigans to come. This is also where the prominent sound of my brakes grinding became so bad that people in their cars on the other side of the parking lot were looking at me going "that cannot be safe, he is going to get himself killed or seriously injured." Thank you St. Louis. By the way I do believe I was one of at least 3 different people who all had car trouble upon arrival to the STL....I'm not saying, I'm just saying.
The Groom and I talk football as we do and the bride and our friend caught up as they had not seen each other in person in a very long time.
10:37 - After two gin & tonics (3 for me as one of mine was a double...I told you, shenanigans), the groom throws out the ultimate bomb that is the only thing that could put a damper on the evening "well we should get going....big day tomorrow." I only hope I did not offend the others at the table with the look of sheer shock that I am sure was on my face. You do know you are not married yet, you have two more days and then you can go home at 10:30 all you like, but your friends are in town and I was promised shenanigans. But alas, wedding planning took precedence and the couple went home. Not having to work the next day or really having much to do (besides help the groom as part of my groomsman duties and pick up the tux) I decided my friend and I should continue on drinking. Why not, especially when those Gin & Tonics were going down so smooth...
11:07 - As my friend whose house we were staying at was yet to get off work we decided to go to the bar down the street. I had been here before but I forgot the greatness that was this bar until I walked in to the back room to find the Skee Ball machine beckoning as only a skee ball machine can. I dont know how much money I pumped into this machine over the weekend but it is sure to rival the amount I spent on Gin & Tonics and to be honest I am not sure which money I enjoyed spending more. More on Skee ball later.
11:45 - My friend whose house we were staying at arrived later after he got off work, we had ourselves a few more drinks and then packed it up for the night around 1 o'clock, after all...big day tomorrow.
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