This week's NFL Lockdown is brought to you unofficially by the absolutely gorgeous Kate Upton (I got a little carried away with how awesome Kate Upton is, so there is a little mini-tribute to Ms. Upton throughout this post)
Well it could have been worse last week, that’s for
sure. But it also could have been
better. A couple of backdoor covers got
me in trouble as Seattle and Pittsburgh let me down. Overall I went 9-7 on the week and find
myself thinking that it was pretty good.
I am horrible at picking teams against the spread and to have a winning
record was a victory in and of itself.
I’m hoping to ride this hot streak and bring a solid week to
my season total again in Week 5. My
record is as follows:
Last week: 9-7
Season: 9-7
Week 5:
Kansas City (+2) @ Indianapolis (-2) – Kansas City. While Indy’s strength (pass rush) goes well
against one of the Chiefs weaknesses (pass protection) I just don’t think the
Manning-less Colts have enough to beat the hapless Chiefs. For those of you keeping track Manning-less
> Hapless = Chiefs victory.
Arizona (+3) @ Minnesota (-3) – Minnesota. I know they have looked awful and couldn’t
even beat the struggling Chiefs last week, but that was in Arrowhead which was
rocking and this one will be in the Metrodome.
The roof should hold strong and so should Minnesota. Unless you’re the 2008 Lions, playing an 0-4
team at home carries with a danger quotient equivalent to taking home the girl
from the local bar with the broken heel, gum in her hair, and is obviously there
by herself but keeps pacing the bar “looking for her friends.” Even if you escape it without a disease, she’s
gonna snake your phone number and stalk you for the next 6 months. Good luck.
Philadelphia (-3) @ Buffalo (+3) – Buffalo. The faith in the Eagles is dropping lower and
lower every week. The Eagles are like
the movie ‘Valentine’s Day’ or the forthcoming pseudo-sequel ‘New Year’s Eve’ –
the cast looks great but everyone is just cashing their checks and looking at
someone else to be great. Nobody
stepping up means the Bills will continue their surprise season.
Oakland (+5.5) @ Houston (-5.5) – Houston. I doubted the Texans last week and rode the
wave of the Raiders victory over the Jets.
I will not make the same mistake again, the Texas actually look like the
playoff team that people have been touting them as since 2006.
New Orleans (-6.5) @ Carolina (+6.5) – Carolina. I’m gonna keep riding the Carolina
train. Cam Newton might not have been
the perfect student in Jon Gruden’s QB school, but he appears to be the perfect
QB for this young and improving team. He’s
got the skills to make some good things happen and he’s doing. Don’t let me down.
Cincinnati (+1) @ Jacksonville (-1) – Cincinnati. Quietly, Cincy has garnered one of the best
defenses in the league. Not sure if I
should applaud or degrade the Bengals organization for keeping Marvin Lewis
around for years to mediocre results.
Lewis is the girlfriend who ranks as a 6 but is super cool and is
somehow dating the high school quarterback.
Perhaps, they both actually do practice what they preach “it’s more than
just looks” = “we’re looking for stability in this organization.”
Tennessee (+3) @ Pittsburgh (-3) – Tennessee. Tennessee might be a mirage but they are
playing some solid ball and Matt Hasselbeck seems to be re-born. The Steelers seem to be in their Super Bowl
hangover as well as have an injured QB.
I don’t put much faith in those odds and am going with the Titans.
Seattle (+9.5) @ New York (-9.5) – Seattle. The Seahawks backdoored me last week and I’m
going to return the favor by picking them.
I don’t even care if I lose this game by jinxing them and Seattle loses
by 20. I’m fine with, I’m like the
spurned mistress in the Soprano’s, watch out for flying hams.
Tampa Bay (+3) @ San Francisco (-3) – Tampa Bay. I like the Bucs. I like the Bucs. I like the Bucs. I like the Bucs. If I keep saying it they will continue to be
on my side. Right? Right?
New York Jets (+8.5) @ New England (-8.5) – Patriots. Belichick loves nothing more than to stick it
to division rivals, especially ones that are led by squawky 12-year-olds like
the Jets. While the Pats pass D is
struggling the faith I have in Mark Sanchez to do something good is the same
amount I have in my new dog Charlie doing something good against the Pats, who
is 5 years old, 10 pounds overweight, and only weighs 29 pounds, you do the
math.
San Diego (-3.5) @ Denver (+3.5) – San Diego. I just have a complete and utter lack of respect
for what the Broncos can do on the field.
They are in disarray as an organization and until they get their QB
situation figured out they won’t do anything, that includes come within a
touchdown of the Chargers.
Green Bay (-6) @ Atlanta (+6) – Green Bay. Aaron Rodgers is a QB assassin sent to this
Earth to destroy opposing defensive backs with merciless will. The Jeff Report has been stating this for
years now (http://the-jeff-report.blogspot.com/2009/10/516-thoughts-and-awards-my-thoughts-on.html),
and the rest of the league has finally caught up. Tom Brady and Peyton Manning may be better
(not necessarily in that order), but nobody is playing better right now than
Aaron Rodgers and I give them a touchdown over any team in the league because
of it.
Chicago (+5) @ Detroit (-5) – Detroit. Detroit hasn’t been favored this much in one
season since the Hoover administration.
Matt Stafford is for real, Calvin Johnson can legitimately lay claim to
best player in the league (and if the Lions win 12+ Megatron should get some
big time MVP love), and the Bears just don’t seem like they are for real. Matt Forte has been running the ball well,
but that’s the Lions’ strength and I don’t trust Jay Cutler to hold up under
the soul crushing defensive line of the Lions.
So there you have it, my picks for all the games this
weekend and why. Again, I am horrible at
this and should not be looked upon for advice.
This is for entertainment purposes only and mostly so you all can laugh
at how awful I am at this. Enjoy.
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